Today I want to share with you a story of someone I deeply love and respect. In my younger primary school days, when I ran away from home, she would take care of me. Tell me stories of her younger days… She is my grandmother. She went through 3 transitions in her life. Each transition brought with it lessons for every women in the world. First as an orphan second as a wife third as a widow
It was the year 1931 when she was born. Her parents were killed when she was two. She know who her dad was, because The brother of her real father adopted her. What she doesn’tknow, as of today, who is her real mother. All she was left with was this small suitcase containing her mother’s handkerchiefs and a dress. On the handkerchief there was a signature SUMI. My great grandfather then decided to name her SUMINJATI. And so what was the lesson that she learned as an orphan living with her relatives? Well for a start, When she was fourteen, her stepmother said to her : Listen carefully, you are a women. All you can be is to be useful to your parents, siblings and your future husband. I am going to teach you everything only once. You are to follow everything that I ask you to do. She gladly accepted her fate. She woke up at 5am every morning. She mopped the floor and cooked dinner and lunch for 15 coolie workers and 11 family members. The lesson that I get from here is that, often times being born a girl, our parents would ask us to do the brainless work like helping to clean the backyard or mop the kitchen or help me around when I cook. While the boys would be asked to do more intelligent things like watching the news on television. My grandma taught me that, gladly accepting what you were told to do, you will be a better person in the future. Today, She is talented not only in cooking, sewing and cleaning. But everything that she learned, just by seeing it once, she can create exactly the same thing that you want. Because is embedded in her mind, My mama said “I am going to teach you everything but only once”.
The second transition in her life took place when she was 18. A fairy tale was coming her way. She became very beautiful w skin as white as paper , waist as small as 65cm and her hair were long like a willow tree. The chinese proverbs that she taught me to remember was : “The woman who appeals to a man's vanity may stimulate him, the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him, but it is the woman who appeals to his imagination who gets him” My grandfather first spotted her when she was sitting in front of the house balcony waving fans to get rid of the heat from her sisters in the night. Ever since, My grandfather passed the house everyday riding a bicycle wearing khakis and a white shirt. My grandmother’s first impression of him was , a poor coolie in khakis passing my house every evening. My grandfather eventually asked a matchmaker to approach my grandmother’s family. The matchmaker came to tell my great grandfather that the son of TAI SAN would like to marry your eldest daughter. My great grandfather said my daughter is going to marry the kang family’s eldest son. Their wedding will take place on the fourth month next year. The matchmaker delivered the news back to my grandfather family. My grandfather did not give up. He kept riding his bicycle every nite passing my grandma’s house.
When March came along, the father of Kang family came to inform my great grandfather that they would like to pospone the wedding . My great grandfather was furious and decided to cancel the wedding altogether. To console my grandmother of the sudden news, my grandma’s first brother took her on a ride to see the house of TAI SAN. It was like a palace with 12 bedrooms and 3 balconies overseeing a pond. My grandmother’s eyes lightened up and ever since she waited everyday for the matchmaker from taisan family. 2 years went but the matchmaker did not come. Instead, all she saw was the man in white shirt riding a bicycle passing her house every nite. My grandfather was the eldest son of Taisan and he was the bicycle rider. But my grandmother had not clue at all. Finally one day my grandfather heard that my grandmother’s first proposal had been cancelled. My grandfather quickly asked his mom to propose. And thats’ how they got married. The lesson that I learned from her story as a cinderella of her time is that : Sometimes A women may not have a choice whom she wants to marry. Willingly accept the fate that comes your way, is what will make you a real happy women”
The third transition in her life is being a widow. The day my grandfather passed away, she was only 50 years old. Thankfully all her children were married off. The only thing that was unsettling for her is the next 30 years of loneliness. Being a widow was another difficult life on her own. But she passed each day with enthusiasm and energy. She may look like an 80 year old lady but when you hear her voice, she has a voice of a 50 year old lady. The lesson I learned came from The chinese proverbs that she sing in the temple , “You may not be Forever young but if you can refill your mind with new things everyday, you will be a happy young girl in your heart”
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